Why Udurawana put his radio in his refrigerator?
Because he
wanted to hear cool music
Mrs. Udurawana phoned Udurawana in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner."
"Good"
replied Udurawana, "Make sure she`s prepared well".
A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere.
A week later, Udurawana also was admitted, in a similar condition.
Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc.
a couple more weeks later, the man had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Catholic."
Udurawana signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Buddhist"
This act tired them out so badly. After one week, the man summoned up the strength to say, "Colombo."
Udurawana replied in a weedy frail voice, "Kandy."
Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed, the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Tamil."
Udurawana replied , "Sinhala."
A few hours later, the first patient managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."
Uduravana
responded "SCORPION"
Friend(to Udurawana) : I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife that I'd be home tonight, and when I got into my room I found she is in another man's arms.
Udurawana : kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, she didn't get the fax."
Once Udurawana met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you are dead."
But you see I'm alive, smiled the friend.
Impossible, said Udurawana. The man who told me is much more reliable than you.
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Udurawana and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be the problem?"
Immediately, Udurawana
held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.
Afterwards, the wife sat there - speechless. He looked over at Udurawana who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.
The counselor spoke to Udurawana, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"
Udurawana scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays, if it's ok with you."
Udurawana : "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children
and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
Friend : "And when you are angry, what do you do?"
Udurawana : "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and
none of them dares to answer back.
Friend to Udurawana : "You looked troubled, what's your problem?"
Udurawana : "I'm going to be a father."
Friend : "But that's wonderful,"
Udurawana : "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.
Wife to Udurawana : If I sleep with your best friend, what will be the first thought to come in your mind?
Udurawana : You are a lesbian.
Friend : "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
Udurawana : "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"
Udurawana to his wife on their wedding night- "
Udurawana : "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with ?"
Wife : "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"
Wife : You always carry my photo in your wallet to the office. Why?
Udurawana : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible,
I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Udurawana : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
Wife : "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
Udurawana : "Honey, I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Wife : "What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?"
Udurawana looking at her from head to toe and replied :
"I like your sense of Humor.
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